Dexter Langford
Dexter Langford

So, imagine you’re racing your buddy in a high-tech go-kart, but instead of zooming ahead, your friend’s kart only manages to putt along at a snail’s pace. That, my friends, is Amazon’s Project Kuiper going up against SpaceX’s Starlink.

Reportedly, Project Kuiper needs to launch a whopping 1,600 internet satellites by next summer to keep up with the cosmic competition, but sources whisper that Amazon has only cranked out a mere handful so far—like trying to bake a cake and realizing you’ve used up all your eggs.

Scheduled for its debut launch on April 28th after a false start, it seems Kuiper may be running behind faster than a toddler in a candy store. If it doesn’t get its act together and start producing satellites like there’s no tomorrow, Amazon might have to sweet-talk the FCC into giving them an extension.

So while Team Bezos is busy figuring it all out, let’s hope their satellites don’t move at the same speed as a dial-up connection, or they might just hurtle toward a cosmic disaster instead of helping us beam down Netflix from the stars.


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